the sound of silence

Many of you have been asking for an update, wondering why the blog has been so quiet these last few weeks. It’s not that I haven’t been thinking about the adoption- my mind is still filled with thoughts, dreams, wondering, and longing for my kids on a daily (sometimes hourly!) basis. It’s just that there’s not much to say and, to be honest, I’ve been a little discouraged. I’ve mentioned it before, but at this stage in the game there’s not much to point to or to celebrate (so it seems). We are waiting, and waiting is hard.

Waiting is always hard, especially when it’s something you are really excited about, but waiting is even harder when there are a lot of unknowns attached. Who are these kids we are waiting for? When are they coming? Where are they now? Are they ok? These are basic questions I did not have to deal with while awaiting the arrival of my two bio kids and the lack of knowledge, intimacy, and proximity (which I feel I had to some degree while pregnant) is really challenging. And because there’s not much for me to point to, I don’t talk about it. There’s been no new news and so I’ve been quiet. I don’t know what to say, people don’t know what to ask, I don’t have any compelling answers even when asked… it makes it all very awkward and even a little isolating.

I’m able to write today because a group of people have entered the awkward silence and have brought me some encouragement and hope and, most importantly, have reminded us that we are not alone while we wait. These women have, without being asked, decided to partner with us in the financial side of the adoption. The surprise of their partnership and presence in this area is both humbling and healing. Asking for money is hard (definitely not my favorite part of the adoption process), and trying to drum up support when you have no official “news” or information to share is difficult. It just doesn’t seem real to anyone (myself included at times)! Just when I felt that nothing was happening, these ladies gave me renewed excitement and energy to remain hopeful as I wait. Thank you ladies. Your support means more than you know.