rest, but not sleeping

Wide awake when I should be sleeping. Trying to process through a day I’ve imagined for a LONG time. It’s surreal, really. On one hand, it was a “meeting” of strangers about to become family. On the other hand, it was like coming home to someone you know so well. Yes, these are my children. Yes, they are the ones we have been waiting for, the ones whose bodies we have longed to hold and care for, whose laundry we have anticipated, whose faces have become beloved to us. So surreal, and so normal all at once. 

Heading to the orphanage Sophie asked me for a feeling word (that’s my girl!). The only one that came to mind was, “at rest,” which seemed to be super odd given the excitement of the moment and the chaos of the morning. But, truth be told, there has been such a deep peace surrounding this process as of late, and it has continued, even throughout a wild and crazy first day in-country. I was excited to meet the kids, of course, but at this point, it feels so normal and so right. In some ways, I feel I know them so well already. Even as I sit here now after having met and held them for the first time, I rest.

I’ve learned that I have a “thing” about needing my outward reality to match my inward one- for the things I feel and know to be true on a deep level of my soul to be expressed in the outward reality of my life. When the outward reality of my situation matches the inward reality of my heart, I experience peace. I think that’s why I am particularly at rest at this stage in the journey. On this level of life, an external reality is finally going to line up with an inward one- the kids I’ve called my own and loved internally are now finally becoming mine on an external level as well. Good news.

(note: I realize you might be hoping for photos. They are coming. We just have to wait until after our court date to post pictures of the kids! Be assured… they are even cuter than we thought.)

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